Being fairly transparent has been a goal of this blog, with the intent that sharing would help you not feel so alone on this rock. That you would realize you aren’t the only one with crazy things happening to you and you might pick up something that will work for you too.
But there are lots of things I don’t put in this blog. Those things are exploding out of me, in stories that need to be told. I’m not doing that here. I know who some of you readers are and you may not want to read the really ugly stuff.
So I am writing ‘those’ stories down, but not here.
Once, my sister, Val, was introducing me to some of her Republican friends and one asked if I was married. Before I could answer, Val, said, ‘No, she is single and available!’ I looked at my sister, with surprise at her comment, while her friend asked, ‘What type of men do you like?’ And before I could respond, to that question either, Val said, ‘Her type is an asshole.’
Well… huh… I, uh… I had nothing to say at that point, just a lot of introspection and redesiging of my life to do… I’m still doing it.
Starting with my father and running through the significant men in my life, I did not give birth to, I’d have to say there are some similaritites. Like they all seemed to need to control me and most things/people around them. That smells like they are running a lot of fear. Does living in fear of loss of control, or fear of stepping outside your comfort zone, make you look like an asshole?
Does not having the experience, skills, or gifts of balancing relationships make you an asshole? Granted there were a few who really chose selfishly within not only my relationship with them, but their previous relationships and those with their children. But in those circumstances, I chose to give things a shot, for the wrong reasons, so I wasn’t in a balanced place myself.
Relationships are not generally, easy, regardless, but going into them for the wrong reasons, is a death nell. And they take way too much time and energy not to do things as correct as possible, from the beginning. I have lots of relationship and related stories, but they are not here.