Looking ahead to what 2011 may bring is a bit poignant today, which would have been an anniversary of celebration under different circumstances. Years ago I awoke early with the anticipation of becoming a wife, of being in love forever, of having someone wonderful think I was wonderful too! That’s how we start out, in the beginning of these things, full of love, hope and promise! I don’t make promises lightly and kept the promises I made that day for years and then decades, no matter what came my way. And plenty came my way… plenty of children, that was the good part, but plenty of heartache too, from being in a cold, loveless marriage. That may seem to make no sense at all, which is about right.
It took a long time to get over most of the heartache. I’m ok, all these years later; 12 years since the divorce. It’s been a long journey raising kids, struggling to support us while learning those life lessons, but I’m still here and it has been worth it.
I don’t think too much about what might have been, only to recognize the dreams I had as a younger woman and honor them. I wouldn’t be where or who I am today without those life crisis and opportunities to prove to myself how strong I can be and whether of not I will do what needs to be done.
Living life without a partner is not what I planned for when I was young, but for now, going through a time focused on myself and healing from my choices and life circumstances, it is better that I be alone. The intent is to come out the other side a better version of myself, more whole, complete, healthy and happier myself. Perhaps then I may be in a better place to be open to a lasting, more balanced, loving partnership in a relationship… and have that gift of love I hoped for all those years ago, today…