In December of 2009 I wrote down some things I was dealing with on a daily basis. Issues and circumstances that had not been there before a 2004 car accident. I have done a lot of work on myself in the last 18 months. I thought I would do ‘before and after’ blogposts. Might help others dealing with this and that themselves!

Some Things I Deal With 12-2009

By Roxy Cross

Much of what I deal with is since a car accident 8/04. Some has gone away with time and some things I’ve done on purpose, like bouncing on an exercise ball. Some may be due to tremendous stress I live with.

I’m missing about a 7 year chunk of memory related to people, what they do and their names. I can see faces and recognize them in my mind or face to face but still cannot recall their names or how I know them. Some were clients of 5 years and longer!

Highly distractible

Short attention span OR so focused I don’t hear people talking to me

Require systems for follow-through

Things have to be a certain way for me to proceed, like the dishes have to be done and counters clean for me to cook

Sometimes I wash my hands before going to the bathroom and again afterwards. I think they get very dirty handling paper and pens. I ‘see’ the dirty water run off my hands. People have teased me.

Impulsive in actions and purchases. I jumped at the opportunity to work when I was in the middle of a couple of health situations that are complicating my time and energy levels. I wonder how it’s going to work out.

I write out directions or prompts. When terribly stressed after divorcing my kids father I carried a little paper in my pocket for weeks that said “Breathe.” I literally would feel it in my pocket and catch myself holding my breath for long periods.

Don’t do things that aren’t calendared or written down. Just don’t remember. Even important things. Can not retain birthdays. Ask the birthday dates of the same friends over and over. Don’t remember phone numbers, dates…

I problem solve everything, all the time, all day long, even in my sleep. Even when not asked! (Aquarian thing? Personality? Gift? Traumatic Brain Injury?)

Control depression by choice for 17 years since I realized I deal with it. Didn’t know I had it til then. No medication ever for it.

Don’t sleep well. I get 2-4 hours chunks if I’m lucky.

Have way less patience than I used to.

Nerves get rattled and I get antsy. High pitch or repetitive noises get me on edge.

Don’t eat like I used to. Unwise.

Don’t exercise and used to be ridiculously buff.

Have to think too much to spell or form letters writing or typing. I put the letters of an upcoming word in the middle of the word I should be typing. I do this all the time and have to reread and edit because of it. DID not use to have this problem. I was I writer and an editor from 1986 on!

Sometimes my mind just goes somewhere and I have no idea where. I zone off and have to figure out what I was doing when I come back! Doesn’t happen while working with plants. I’m in the moment then. It can happen when people are talking to me.

Friends say I start sentences, take a breath, start talking where my mind is then, leaving out chunks of thoughts. It gives them whiplash of the mind. I do it all the time without knowing it. The thoughts speed around in my mind but don’t come out my mouth correctly.

I was live on television and radio for years and never had processing problems like I do know. I’d like my mind back!

 Thanks for the photo Richard Caldwell!


About roxycross

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