Growing up in an alcoholic household, even when noone is drinking alcohol is a great place to learn to fly under the radar, be one step ahead, watch and learn from the mistakes of others. It is also a perfect place to learn to pass blame, decieve and lie, which are not necessarily the same thing. This kind of an environment does not create a safe place for children. With the imbalance, rage and out of control anger of people so much bigger than you, a kid can develop character traits for survival that hopefully at some point in adulthood will no longer serve them.
That is where I am now. As an adult with experiences and adult children and grandchildren, young in-laws and friends affected by my thoughts, words and actions, it became critical that I take control of myself and my life and make complete changes in same.
Hence walking away from a job, a lovely home, a community and state I invested in, and family and friends, to come to a healing place.
There is a sense of imprisonment when life is out of balance. To be someone you are not to make others comfortable is restrictive and repressive.
I want to be free. I want to be where I belong, where I can thrive. Where I and only I am responsible for my life, my actions and my words.
The hope is in that place, I will find the fulfillment of promises, relief from pain and anguish, expansion of my life and finally find joy.