So in my continued efforts to take care of myself in 2012, I am writing a few love letters to myself to honor myself for the life I have chosen to live, so far. This is Love Letter #1:
Dear 20 Year Old Self…(Debi States)
There are not enough candles on this cake! You are 57 not 20 and thank God! Because at 20 you had such a life ahead of you! A life you never would have chosen and yet made the best of, most of the time. At 20, you just wanted to be a wife and a mother and take care of your home.
At 20 you had no idea the man you would fall in love with, could not be present in your life, or emotionally available for you and your children nor could he love, as he was not raised in love and did not choose to love later.
At 20, you had faith in the God of your childhood and thought adherence to religious principles would save you. At 20 you had no idea how attractive you were, how to use you intelligence for anything important or what a wonderful mother you would come to be.
At 20, you did not have close friends. You did not know how to be a good friend or how to attract good friends. That was not to happen for quite some time. At 20 you had no idea how alone you would feel your whole life, even in the midst of crowds, even in your own home.
At 20, you never considered some of the children you would give your life to raise, would betray you, cut you to the bone with their words and actions and that the dearest desire, of a sweet life for them, would mean you gave yours.
At 20, how could you have known that at 56 you would look around at your life, again, finding it unacceptable, without a clue of who you are and what you would like to do, or where, for the rest of your life.
At 20, your whole life stretched out ahead magically with hope and faith and trust in so many things that were not worthy of your hope, faith and trust. Good thing by 57, you learned a thing or two!