So in my continued efforts to take care of myself in 2012, I am writing a few love letters to myself to honor myself for the life I have chosen to live, so far. This is Love Letter #2:
Dear 31 Year Old Self…(Deborah Cross)
By 31 you had 5 sons. 5. 5 sons! Holy amazing mother of 5 sons! Jason, Trevor, David, Stephan and Alex. Afreakimazing sons! What a gift! Your husband figuring you had lived under some difficult situations, rented a beautiful home on 31 acres and you had horses, lots of tress and rose bushes everywhere. You were touched that he would choose a place so nice and you really enjoyed living there for a few months.
You still hoped you could settle somewhere and build a life for your family. You had no idea that to do that you would have to divorce the man you had loved for decades to do that and provide some stability for your children.
With 5 sons, your entire days were about cleaning, cooking and cleaning some more! You took a lot of pride in doing laundry and keeping your lovely home nice. You still wanted a daughter but thought your family was complete with 5 sons!
You thought so much about the wonder of these boys and how different they all were from each other.
Jason, fairly quiet and studious, always reading a book and so bright at school subjects. Slightly aloof, even when young, Jason eventually watched over his siblings playing a critical role in the whole family dynamic.
Trevor, highly animated, fascinated by everything that moved, ran, lit up, whirred and/or made noise. such a challenge to be this ones mother. Neither he nor his mother had a clue what we would go through together, when you were 31.
Introspective David, who silently stirred up drama with his older brothers while trying new things like riding a giant horse at 4 years old! David, who taught himself cursive writing and very much became a self-made man, was such a quiet, watchful kid.
Cute little Stephan, whose big brown eyes peered over the bed to see his new little brother, Alex. Stretching his hand across the sheets to touch him for the first time. When I asked if he wanted to come up on the bed he eagerly nodded his head, scrambled up and snuggled next to Alex, petting him… long before he discovered torturing his younger brother! This was a short time in a holding pattern, when your home was beautiful and life was mostly safe surrounded by your growing young family you loved so much! And then where did you go?!