So in my continued efforts to take care of myself in 2012, I am writing a few love letters to myself to honor myself for the life I have chosen to live, so far. This is Love Letter #3:
Dear 38 Year Old Self…(Deb States)
You went back to work when Alex was a year old to support your family. Abruptly your husband wanted to move back to Cache Valley UT shortly after and you moved several more times, gave birth to your first daughter, Tegan, another son, Josh and were pregnant with your 8th child. You were living in Green Valley, Henderson, NV, part of the Las Vegas area, sharing a home with your brother, Adam and his wife and family and you were trying to make it work for all of you.
One day in the Clark County Library you found a non-fiction section on Women and Depression and began a journey of health. Reading everything you could get your hands on you learned what had gotten the best of you and made a choice to fix it without drugs.
You really should be proud of yourself for looking around at your life and choosing something better for yourself. You knew there were all kinds of things you could not change so you changed what you could. You changed yourself.
Your hair was an inch from your waist, to please your husband and you cut it an inch from your head and colored it dark brown, to please yourself! You got a job and worked harder on your writing and were even published a few times! You got back in your pre-pregnancy shape after giving birth to Adam.
You loved your amazingly large family and wanted the best for them. You encouraged your children to explore their dreams, giving them much freedom to speak their minds and see what excites their minds and hearts. You just wanted to be happy and feel loved. You felt loved from your children sometimes and you were patient, hoping they would understand when they grew up someday.