“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” – Brené Brown
I have heard the only real motivations in life are love and fear. I kind of believe it. Based on my own life experiences anyway. And as far as that goes, guilt was a big factor earlier in life for me too. Until I was 38 and figured out my whole life had been controlled by fear and guilt and I called a halt to it. Well, at least I began to recognize it and catch myself and make different choices. But guilt is linked to fear, because if you are feeling less than because of something you thought or did or thought about doing, you really are in fear.
Fear effing sux. SUX. Sucks. It really does. I am finding it is wreaking havoc on my health with jacked up blood pressure, excess weight and nervous this and that crap… pretty ridiculous when I know better. But again, knowing something and being able to change it are not necessarily companions.
One component to change has got to be the choice to be vulnerable. Being afraid of what others think about you is brutal incarceration in your own mind. By letting go of what others think, which actually may or may not be any of your business, you free yourself to change. It is a vulnerable place to be. It feels uncomfortable and scary even. Which is not exactly the same as living in fear.
Being unsettled and scared, here and there is the human condition. It’s okay to be a bit nervous about unknown terrain, walking a path heretofore unfamiliar. That does not make it a bad thing, just uncomfortable like teething was when you were little. Getting teeth has been a good thing, no? So is stepping off the known path to change for the better. I am doing it. I do it everyday. Life is an adventure and I do not expect things to last. I really do not. And in most cases I hope things do not last, because they are not exactly where I want to be.
My life choices take me hither and yon. Kind of like this convoluted blog post and I am okay with that. It is, after all, my life and I have control of it. Namaste’