It’s a scary place inside my head sometimes.
Something I have come to know is how much better I feel about my life, in general, when I give up reason, conditioning and habits.
My level of intelligence has always been something I depend on for my self esteem and identity, but in recent years I began to see something. It was a bit shocking to me actually. I saw that oftentimes, what I considered my greatest strength, being smart, was also, too often again, my biggest handicap.
I recall thinking it would be easier to go through life without all the smarts, because then maybe I wouldn’t know how much trouble I was in!
And I over think things.
Yes, I do. Especially if I am not sharing things with anyone. Thoughts noodle around in my head becoming something horrid and frightening at times. Those close to me have occasionally commented. Yah, that is always nice. *read sarcasm* And lately I even got yelled at. That was unpleasant.
The thing is, I don’t think of myself as a thoughtless person. But when I spend too much time thinking and reasoning, especially if the conditioning of my past kicks in, *highly likely* I can be off base in my thinking, which does not help anyone.
Over thinking is a bad habit for me. I’m working on it. I really am.
I use a tool called, Pause. When I pause before saying something, I tend to get a much better outcome! And some percentage of the time, when I Pause, I don’t say anything at all afterwards.
It’s better for everyone, when I take control of my thoughts personally. I really shouldn’t take extended journeys in my head. It’s not safe up there.
